I had my first baby after spending my life assuming I don't want one

I had my first baby after spending my life assuming I don't want one. After two abortions. I told my husband "only one" because I was scared I'd mess up a child or be a terrible mother. He's here and the love I have knows no bounds.

My mental health has never been better... for the most part. However my husband is suffering with the worst postpartum depression l've ever seen. I instantly wanted another baby but I can't see him go through this again. It would be the end of us. I know how lucky I am to have my son here, happy and healthy, but I'm constantly mourning the family l've started to dream about.

The family I thought I never wanted.

- Human