I just realized that this week has been really hard

I just realized that this week has been really hard because this is the first holiday season since Dad died (and then Granny died) that I haven't been suicidally depressed. In Winter 2020, I was sliding into the worst depression of my life. In Winter 2021, I was fully ensconced in daily suicidal ideation. It's amazing that I'm feeling better now. Truly, it's incredible. AND it means there's a lot of grief that I'm facing for the first time. I need to give myself the space and grace to feel those things, and not just numb them (while also having self-compassion for all the urges to engage in numbing behaviors).

- Human